I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
