either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
