Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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