Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
