I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
