OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
