There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
