dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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