i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
