Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I cockslap morals
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
