Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
