I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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