hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
