Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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