My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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