if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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