he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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