While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
