During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i now understand why vodka
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
