Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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