i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fuck appropriateness.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
