just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
