we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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