you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
