you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
