His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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