Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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