My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
