my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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