Where is the hickey?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
