Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
