dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
