I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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