Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
