How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
