so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
