You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
