how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
