so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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