my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
