just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
