WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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