Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
