Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
