i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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