you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
