I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
