I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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