Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
