HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My feet surprised me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
